Snoring Killed My Sex Life

Snoring Killed My Sex Life

My grandfather snored, my father snored, I snore. My grandfather snored so loudly in fact, that as a young child visiting overnight, I woke up crying and terrified because I thought we were experiencing an earthquake. My father used to fall asleep in his recliner, his snoring punctuated by several seconds of silence, choke-gasp-“HUH? WHAT?”, repeated all evening. The apple does not fall far from this tree, click here for more info.

Although I knew I snored, I did not realize how badly until my love life disappeared. Actually, it took a while to figure out, because he didn’t want to tell me in order to spare my feelings. Like physical and emotional rejection ain’t gonna sting. Turns out I’m my father’s daughter, I snore like a chainsaw, complete with moments of silence and gasping for breath. What man could resist? Certainly not one who is sleep deprived and cranky as a result.


Cue the search for a cure. I got a referral to an ear nose and throat doctor, followed by a sleep study. The doctor presented me with several options:

  1. A custom mouth guard to keep my jaw from falling backward. Sounds uncomfortable, expensive, and unlikely stay in my face.
  2. Pillar Proceedure : tiny flexible rods are implanted in the soft palate to prevent it from vibrating. Not too invasive, claimable medical expense, and has shown good results.
  3. CPAP machine. Expensive and who the hell could sleep with that on their face, anyway?!
  4. Surgery. A major ordeal to remove soft tissues in the throat – tonsils, uvula, anything “extra”. May also include revamping my sinuses and the tissues under my tongue. Umm…thanks, but no thanks.

I chose the Pillar proceedure, and learned that I faint during minor surgery under local anesthetic. I didn’t stop snoring, though.

Some time later, I “inherited” a CPAP machine and it has been a godsend. I was surprised how quickly I got used to wearing the mask, and sleep so much better now. So does Tim, which has improved our relationship. Unfortunately, I look and sound a bit like Darth Vader wearing it, so the love life is still luke-warm.